The beautiful transition into fall gives us a chance to reflect and be aware of all life provides us, even while sitting in traffic, thinking about our to-do list or grieving a lost loved one.
I would like to share a couple of sage old Buddhist ideas to help us live fully in the present.
Everything in the universe is in constant flux – both pleasure and pain must pass away in this temporary world – our bodies, thoughts, loves, successes, possessions, illnesses, hard times, empires, stars — no exceptions!
Yet every fleeting moment is perfect to help us become who we’re meant to be and view ourselves and others with a compassionate heart.
Life on this earth gives us the opportunity to work with all the sets of opposites — light and dark, like and dislike, grasping and letting go. Since the nature of our experience is flux, we know each moment is going to vanish.
So for this season, why not appreciate all that is fleeting and changing around us?
Are you working through the changing feelings of a difficult loss? Click here to take my free Chakra Profile Quiz and assess how well you’re coping.
“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing…not healing, not curing…that is a friend who cares.” C.S. Lewis
- Your greatest gift is your presence. Just being there while a person cries or deals with grief in their own way is extremely helpful.
- Listen unconditionally and without distraction. If they want to talk about their loved one listen with an open heart.
- Avoid trying to make them feel better with platitudes or the “bright side.” No one wants to hear, “It was for the best,” even if it might be true. It is better to admit,”I don’t know what to say,” than try to cheer them up.
- Share your own happy memories of the loved one. A lovely memento of written stories, memories and photos compiled in a scrapbook will be treasured later (ask other mutual relatives and friends to contribute).
- Sending or preparing food makes a more practical gift than flowers. Grieving people can forget to eat. A meal or gift card from a restaurant that delivers is always appreciated.
- If someone remains in a hopeless state or has difficulty functioning in daily life, take action. Grief Coaching can provide the appropriate help and be a wonderful gift.
If you’re feeling helpless and would like additional tips for supporting your grieving friend or family member, contact Dhyanis for a free 1/2-hour phone session.
With any approaching holiday, feelings of sadness may arise even before the festivities begin. Knowing this can help you prepare for the additional emotional and physical stress that the holidays can trigger. When your loved one’s birthday or any of the dates you once celebrated together are coming up, take care of yourself and find joy by observing some of these tips.
- Celebrate your loved one’s memory. Acknowledge their presence by lighting a candle in their memory or doing what they used to enjoy during the holidays. Or, volunteer to help someone out or give a gift to someone in need on behalf of your special person.
- Talk to your loved one, letting them know how much you miss them and still love them. Don’t keep the love you have for them in your heart, share it with them and other people around you.
- Be open with your friends and family about what you can handle and what you prefer to avoid. If having people over is too much, let everyone know and ask others to take your place.
- Be sensitive about other family member’s feelings. They are also affected by grief, so plan events together and respect each others’ choices.
- Make changes to old routines and traditions if that would feel more comfortable. For example, instead of gathering in the morning, meet and exchange gifts in the evening.
- Make sure you are getting enough rest. The additional stress can cause fatigue. Always make sure you are drinking enough water to keep you hydrated.
- Release your grief by crying freely. When that wave passes, start having fun. Laughter and joy is the best medicine for the holiday blues.
- Find some purposeful pleasure, like a walk in the woods. Perhaps listen to uplifting music, or call a friend for a movie or brunch. Include plenty of exercise, like a dance or yoga class. And consider the benefits of meditation.
- Schedule additional sessions with your Grief Coach. They will help you come to a peaceful place during this time. If you don’t have the support of a Grief Coach, this would be a great time to start working with one.
For more resources, tips and support, contact Dhyanis.
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